13 Sep 2012 No Comments
By Matt, Know Knews
(WASHINGTON – Know Knews) The US Department of Homeland Security has reportedly prepared its personnel to receive specialized surveillance training in the People’s Republic of China. The US agents will gain innovative solutions to improve national security.
DHS personnel are to arrive at mainland China data mining hubs a month before the eleventh anniversary of 9/11, and stay a month after US commemorative ceremonies, according to a new agreement between PRC’s Bureau of Harmonization & Minority Affairs and the US Department of Homeland Security, Know Knews reports.
“This partnership will slather on an extra juicy layer of security to boost and aid all the other security layers of the great American deep fried triple whopper bigmac with extra cheese burger of freedom,” said a DHS spokesperson, monitoring an iPhone stock ticker and namedropping the four letter stock symbol of an US tax payer funded Chinese developed mass surveillance service provider.
The action is aimed at aiding US stability and also that of boosting the employment of lower socioeconomic groups at risk for being recruited by disenfranchised bourgeoisie. The agents are not permitted to enter Chinese karaoke bars or massage parlors.
The United States’ domestic surveillance program has been recently come under scrutiny.
In the latest instance, the Daily Rapscallion reported on July 14th that since the start of the month, New York City facial-recognition CCTV technicians testing positive for illicit drugs missed a number of people on a security watch list whose presence must be reported to at least one of the seven US financial regulatory agencies.
Authorities in Washington are under extreme pressure to provide the necessary platitudes after the failure of the private security contractor whose-new-name-is-so-boring-everybody-forgot-it (previously known as DeathAdder, Inc.) to deliver personnel to protect Wall Street lobbyists from domestic terrorist threats. The security personnel provided have had insufficient mass incident training, failing to adequately conduct rectal swab tests for hazardous materials; properly distinguish live UAV drone videos from Xbox first person shooter games; or efficiently control, disperse and arrest civilians involved in Festivus public airings of grievances, according to reports.
“I can see so many security loopholes for CCTV surveillance. It’s a no brainer that all security staff should be equipped with bigger screens to see with and be seen by,” said one whistleblower, an expert in Shoe and Undergarment Improvised Explosives detection.
Now the US government hopes that the 5,000 new personnel to be trained in the PRC in addition to the 1,500 agents already apprenticed to their security counterparts at some 300 sensitive sites in mainland China will help keep America safe from democracy.